Kochi, Kerala: Latest Bigfoot sighting has been confirmed in the South Indian state of Kerala. The footmarks still visible on the Kovalam beach resembled those of its cousins elsewhere. The detailed forensic examination of the footmarks revealed that the simian creature could be suffering from Tinea Pedis, a fungal infection of the foot.
Indian dermatologists association commented that it may be too early for a confirmed diagnosis. Scrapings have been sent to Chennai for culture and species identification. Trichophyton bigfooticus is a rare species of fungus commonly infecting Bigfoots in North America. Dr Jerina from King’s College London told DermNews Artifacta that if the same species is isolated, it will be the first time that the fungus is found east of Atlantic. She brushed aside rumours that T.bigfooticus was actually stuck to the microscope lens.
Dr Tanina from German Institute of Mycology told us that the main differential diagnosis to be considered is cowpox which, unfortunately, is a culturally insensitive disease and should be ruled out without further investigations. Meanwhile, DIG of Kochi was suspended for “beefing up the security (sic)” in the city.
“Bigfoot is more human than we think,” said Dr Emaraldine, a famous animal pathologist. “They are more likely to enjoy Diwali fireworks and are unlikely to be deterred by the sound” added Dr Emaraldine.
There have been rumors that Bigfoot is a case of dermal fillers gone horribly wrong. Dr. Supratim, a celebrity dermatologist, told our reporter that it is possible but unlikely. She reiterated the need for all aspiring dermatologists and plastic surgeons to attend assthetics-2016 to avoid such terrible mishaps.
“Being fair is a fundamental simian right.” a spokesperson for Dermatologists Sans Borders, an influential Facebook group with more than 10,000 non-simian members told our reporter. However, Bigfoot should set an example by avoiding products such as fair and silly. Fair and silly is known to cause dangerous side effects such as occasional itching on the forehead that can only be controlled by scratching. If Bigfoot wants to be fair, he should consult a licensed dermatologist and undergo CO2 laser, which is known to be safe and effective. Only minor side effect reported is extensive burns.
Koshiq AT and Keroz F described an innovative method to photograph the illusive Bigfoot. The technique involves fixing a remote controlled camera on Bigfoot’s head on a selfie stick. Koshiq et.al got the idea from the popular Keralite technique of catching cranes by putting butter on its head. Melting butter temporarily blinds the cranes making them easy to catch!
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